Illusions
by Trial of Ash
Summary: Can love really transcend time? What would you remember when love dies young? Sometimes, the future does not speak to you and in the hopelessness there will always be a glimpse of hope. KuroxFay Oneshot


**Author's notes: **I know this isn't a very original idea. Still I wanted to have a take at it with my favorite characters and see how it turns out. Please do not read if you find Male/Male relationships offensive. It's also one of the few attempts I've tried in writing light hearted contents, as always…it still ends up awkward.

**Summery: **Can love really transcend time? What would you remember when love dies young? Sometimes, the future does not speak to you and in the hopelessness there will always be a glimpse of hope. This fic will have a happy ending with some angst in between. Fay is Farr and Kuro darling is Ryuken.

Timeless, ceaseless, endless

This broken path we have embarked

Our hearts that could lay no claim

On the amnesty from heartbreaks

Wishing only for our love to

Be transformed into legend

We will not live again

Knowing that one day

The taste of those lips is

Soon to be forgotten

Our rippling yearnings

Slowly…dispersed

Quiet once more

-Cattyfuzzy

_Like a wisp of smoke…you were gone, without a trace, without a warning to my expecting heart – Cattyfuzzy _

**Illusions**

He stood on the grounds of the old church, feeling the grit of the pebbles underneath the sole of his boots and ceased his steps. The decrepitated church still sits in its burnt rotting grandeur untouched by time and the world that revolves around it. The crumbled arch stretching across each end of the roof barely supports the rusty cross, the pews long burned into ashes, blown away by the winds that heralds the dawn of each new season, leaving the inner hall hauntingly empty, and the orchard composing of an assortment of plum and deciduous trees created its own sanctuary, cutting it away from the bustling town.

To anyone else this place would seem like a scenery straight out from a postcard but to him, it holds secrets that he has yet to decipher. And under the gradually darkening skies everything seemed gray and grimy…still the same.

Lifeless.

The cigarette he was holding between his index and thumb had died out while he stood in the cold October air, and he flicked it towards a bush of withered weeds, a thin trailing scent of tobacco still lingering in the air.

Why was he back here again? He never found any reasons, any justifications to his actions or, the will of his feet.

But the sight of this ruined building soothes the ache in his heart, an ache which he knows not of its origins. How many times had he found himself here during lonely winters, searching unconsciously for a familiar sight of someone's silhouette without knowing who is it that he was looking for…?

It was foolish and he knows it.

It was an old piece of land abandoned decades ago and it belongs to the government now. _Private land…Trespassers will be shot down_, he wondered briefly where the security or the cameras were situated. Pointless signs with pointless warnings which nobody bothers with any longer. He remembered when he first stumbled upon this abandoned sanctuary, the feelings that were borne within, so indefinable.

Maybe he had been away from Tokyo too long, homesickness was settling in every other way imaginable. He meant to go back, knowing that his parents were missing him dearly but for some unfathomable reasons, something always held him back. Especially during the holiday seasons and he would find himself here again. Looking for what he doesn't even know yet. What does this place mean to him? What are its secrets?

Maybe he did used to live here…in another life, when he was someone else.

He scoffed at those ridiculous thoughts and was reminded of the sentiments he first felt when he found this place seven years ago on his eighteenth birthday.

It is always the same question on his mind whenever he is here.

Why?

* * *

_He screamed as the body slumped lifelessly infront of him, there was such huge deluge of emotions running through him…rage…fear…rage…then stomping footsteps. The boy was running away. He felt despair and a wild desperateness to find somewhere safe. But there is no where safe…and his strength were running out; the body was too heavy for him…_

Fay snapped from his daydream when he felt a shove on his arm, Deric was smiling goofily and holding up a glass for him. He forgotten he was still in the company of his colleagues having dinner in this swanky restaurant uptown. He frown a bit as he gathered himself and took the glass from Deric's hand, hoping that no one would notice the paleness on his face.

What a disturbing flashback that was. He wasn't expecting it right now. It never happened when he was awake, until now.

He struggled against the emotional distance he was attempting to conquer at this moment. He tried to shake it off and focus on what his colleagues were saying but it was so impossible. As servings after servings of alcohol passed through the wine glasses of his colleagues at the dining table, the contents of their conversations drifted further away from him.

The painful flashes of memories were back again, always…always at this time of the year. They had started soon after his nineteenth birthday. He never knew what they were about…those random faces of strangers and their anguish, hatred, sadness. He felt it but he never knew why. He had never met them before, never heard of their story…they don't even look like they belong in the same time frame as him. Why was he having these flashbacks? The agonizing of the whys and how always gave him a horrible migraine. In time, he learned well enough to ignore it when it happens but these couple of years, the relapses came back stronger and more disturbing than ever.

There was a red-eye boy who appeared frequently and from what he could tell from those flashbacks, the boy was intimately related to everything. He has not figured out in what ways yet, but he was terrified of him. He didn't think those eyes were normal. They carried with them an immense tragedy, a history of lost and sadness. He could see it in them and those negative feelings always overwhelms him till he wanted to fall on his knees and scream for them to stop.

They never did of course.

Maybe it's the dreary cold and that wretched loneliness that got his mind worked up enough to inflict such disturbances. Frankly, he was tired of it. Should he consult a therapist? He should ask for some drugs to counter the effect of these flashbacks. Prozac…Asperins…Paroxitin…anything…He wanted to spend the coming Thanksgiving and Christmas being happy, not feeling depressed for some inexplicable reasons.

Numb maybe but definitely not depressed.

* * *

_Fifty years ago - 1959_

_Farr scanned the pews with a mischievious glint in his eyes and gave a cheeky smile accompanied with a quick wink when he caught sight of the boy he was looking for, said boy only frown upon his distraction and signaled for him to resume his duties as the alter boy. Farr smiled again as he tried to stifle the urge to laugh at the boy's stoic behavior, which seemed more suited to a middle-age man then a boy in his late teens. _

_His name was Ryuken and his family had moved into his neighborhood recently, the arrival of this particular family was not well received. Nobody liked the Japs after what happened at Pearl Harbor and subsequently, the other events of the cold war. He knew Ryuken's parents had been put through internment programs and most folks in town believed that they resented the treatment they have received; therefore, the town folks hold them in cold regards for most time thinking that they have ulterior motives or some heinous plans on carrying out their revenge against them white folks. _

_Farr didn't have problems and he thought the sentiments and people of his town to be an ignorant lot. They were warm friendly people, looking for a place that they could call home and that was all. He visits them often enough, especially when he has a craving for those sweet rice cakes Ryuken's mother seems to be making most of the time. Farr's parents were not happy with his connections with them but they knew the blonde's temperament well enough to hold their comments in check, also they were trying to be the good Christians that they were. They love him a lot and didn't think much to indulge the boy regarding his choices of friends. _

_He met Ryuken some months ago when he was taking a walk by the river a few miles away from his home. He found the boy soaking in the shallow river, his half naked body with fat droplets of water dripping down his back, glistening under the sun, skin dark and inviting. Farr found himself mesmerized by the sight, unable to walk away and it was then when Ryuken caught sight of him. The Japanese boy had offered him a shy smile, then a quick frown and a hard glare as he waded to the bank to retrieve his shirt before putting it on hastily, ignoring his still wet body. _

_From then on Farr found himself visiting the river again and again in quiet expectation, hoping to catch the red eye boy in his half naked glory once more. Strangely, no matter the time he always managed to find the boy there. Sparking his own suspicions on whether the boy was waiting for his arrival. _

_They never spoke to each other despite the frequency of which they bumped into each other at the river, until one fine day; the red eye boy flustered with Farr's constant scrutinizing of his activities threw a sodden pile of dirt from the river bed at him. Obviously, he had expected the blonde hair boy to bolt in anger so he was somehow stupefied when Farr threw his head back in raucous laughter as he clambered up and waded clumsily into the river towards him. Ryuken had backed away from him, his expression clearly stated that he thought the blonde to be mad, so, he was in for another surprise when the blonde jumped on him suddenly pushing them both into the chilling waters of the river. _

_The red eye boy had shoved him away with wild anger in his eyes and choking quite a bit from the water that had entered his lungs while he was briefly submerged under water. Farr although spluttering wet was still laughing hysterically, his eyes expressing merriment and mischief, straddling the red eye boy on his hips without a hint of propriety._

_Maybe his laugh was too infectious or maybe the red eye boy simply found their circumstance too silly, he started laughing with him too. _

_That moment marked a start of a beautiful friendship, though unconventional, it was meant to last forever…only if it could escape the tragic predilection that Fate had intended for them. _

* * *

Tomoyo watched wearily as Kurogane stepped through the door. His slumped shoulders and the coat wet from the slight amount of snow that was falling earlier told her pretty much where he had been again.

"Are you hungry?" she asked quietly.

Kurogane shook his head and shrugged off his coat carelessly, throwing them haphazardly on the coat rack before slumping onto the seat beside his sister.

"Where's Deric?" he asked with his voice giving away exactly how tired he was.

"He's having dinner with some friends, said that was this new guy at work. It's an attempt on male bonding on his part." She replied casually and then huffed a bit, knowing how her husband was, he was bound to be drunk again when he comes home, then she remembered something else. Their mother had called earlier, "you know mom has been asking if we will be visiting them this Christmas…you haven't been back in Japan for sometime now…"

"I told them I will see how it goes. I can't just leave all my work behind."

"I know you've only been promoted but you're not iron man."

"Mother Deric if you like. Don't start on me." Kurogane replied curtly as he pulled the remote control from under his sister's butt, "can't even sit like a lady…"

"Hey!" she cried out.

Kurogane threw her a lope-sided smirk.

"By the way, nii-san, I got something for you," she said as she threw an A4 size envelope on his lap, "don't be annoyed I know I'm nosy but you've got me really curious on that piece of land and what happened to it."

Kurogane tore opened the envelope, sliding out pieces of loose news clippings and what looked to be some pages torn from an old journal. The familiar picture of the decrepitated church was on one of them.

"Where did you get this from?"

"There was this really nice lady working at the library…I snooped around a bit and she had a relative who lived here since 1950 so she offered to help and got me these." Tomoyo paused as she watched her brother zoom in on that building, she waited for him to find that article with a photo of a red eye boy that looked uncannily like him before continuing, "she mentioned that a boy burned himself down with his lover's body in that church. She wasn't sure what they have planned for that piece of land yet but she was hoping they won't be demolishing it anytime soon. It's like a treasured historical landmark for them…you know…"

Kurogane brought the photo closer and couldn't help the shiver that went through his body. The photo of the dead boy looked so much like him. He read the articles, scanning through them, focusing only on the important parts. Some seemed random and irrelevant but ultimately connected the series of events that ended with the lost of the lives of two innocuous looking youths.

Driven to an early death because of their sexuality.

* * *

Deric called out to Fay before he could slip away again. He was determined to get the guy out and about. He had never met such an introvert in his life. Then again, the position the blonde has doesn't require him to entertain their clients. That was his job. Well, he supposed writers are all quirky and eccentric that way. Maybe he was not used to life here, some big city boy from New York coming down to Chicago, maybe he just need a friendly push before he opens up.

"Fay!" he called out to the blonde before he stepped out of the lobby of the building.

"Hi, Deric…" Fay answered with a shy smile, the ebony skinned man always made him nervous. Perhaps because he was vaguely attracted to him…unfortunately, he was married, to be a beautiful woman too. He saw the photo of her on his desk, Asian…maybe Chinese or Korean…

"I'm meeting my wife for dinner, it's a restaurant up at Madison Street and it's really good, one of the best actually, would you like to join us?" Deric invited enthusiastically.

Fay hesitated for a moment, trying to find a suitable excuse to push away the invitation. He really don't look forward to sitting with a guy he admired with his wife through a dinner where he would have to force himself to be interested and polite. He smiled again at Deric, swinging his sling bag around feeling the weight of it thumping against his calf.

"Maybe next time…I wouldn't want to intrude on your private time."

"Sure…" Deric answered, the disappointment evident in his voice, "next time then." He waved goodbye to the blonde before turning back into the lift and headed for the car park to retrieve his car. He was already late and he hoped Tomoyo isn't thoroughly pissed off yet.

Fay pursed his lips together as he watched Deric disappeared into the lift and said a silent hello to another long lonely night. He missed New York; the hustle and bustle of the city. They provide him with the distraction he badly needs. The diversity of strangers that congregate in that melting cauldron brews many different stories providing a unique vibrancy that he couldn't seem to find in the other cities he had lived before. Plus, the nightlife was great there then again he hadn't found the time to visit the clubs in Chicago so that would be an unfair comparison. Maybe he should head out tonight, just to check it out.

He hoped Chicago has a good selection of gay clubs.

He was still walking along the street aimlessly when all of a sudden he realized he was in a part of the city that he was very unfamiliar with. He looked back and started to retrace his steps when something caught his eyes. He followed the shadows of the looming dark building by the side where the rays of the street lamps couldn't reach…

All of a sudden a wave of deep sadness hit him; followed by a dozen emotions he wasn't quick enough to identify...he's feeling too many things at once. He gave a sharp gasp and dropped to his knees, breathing hard. The ground was spinning too fast for him to find enough balance to stand up and the air too heavy…like it was filled with water. He gripped his chest as he fall forward, a hailstorm of flashbacks attacking him right at that moment.

_A gunshot…he was too shock for words. The man holding the gun sneered at him and the others standing behind were all snarling at him…a look of triumph on their faces… _

_It was just a bad nightmare. As he started off in the opposite direction, pulling on the heavy burden that used to be his everything. He heard the sobs of a woman behind, calling a name. _

_His name? _

_Fire…everywhere...someone was with him but that someone was dead. He wheezed as the smoke entering his lungs making it almost impossible for him to breath. But he couldn't fall yet. _

_Wait for me…Ryuken. I'll be done soon, I'll be coming for you soon…_

Fay was terrified and he opened his mouth into a silent scream.

He never saw the old burnt down church. He couldn't walk that far because he had already dropped to the ground in a dead faint.

* * *

_Ryuken scowled again and swept the blonde's hand roughly off his head. _

_Farr giggled before moving behind the red eye boy and crossed his arms at the front of his torso._

"_You're so grumpy…Kuro-pii." He teased in a sing song sort of tone._

"_And you act too much like a girl!" _

"_It's not like you don't like it…" Farr drawled lazily as he let his fingertips slide up the length of the red eye boy's chest, feeling warm smooth skin and the subtle quickening of the boy's breathe._

"_Someone will see…" Ryuken said softly as he traced the lines Farr's fingers had made before enveloping the slender hand in a firm grip, his eyes skimming across the riverbank at the small pathway looking out for any approaching stranger. _

_Farr laughed a tinkling melodious sound and sneakily stole a kiss from Ryuken before scampering out of the bigger boy's reach. He shrieked when strong hands wrapped around his ankles and pulled him back forward until he was straddling a pair of firm lean thighs. _

"_You are so reckless." Ryuken reprimanded in a soft indulging tone, trying unsuccessfully to put some real heat into it. He gazed into the brilliant blues of the blonde and carded his hands through soft silky strands of hair, leaning down to capture the blonde's plaint lips. He breathed and plunged his tongue deeply into the blonde's mouth, almost sighing in relief with the contact. He was glad he got a day to spend with the blonde privately. Sometimes, he wished that he didn't have to help out at the ice store his parents owned. He just wanted to be here with Farr. _

_Farr moaned softly into the sweet kiss and tighten his hold on the Ryuken's bicep. He knew he was taking chances but they didn't have much choices in the case of locations, anything that was there at the moment had to do. And by the river was the best place. It was desolated most times, crowded only on unbearably hot summer days. _

_It was the only place where they can afford to be themselves. _

_They shared some more lazy kisses, savoring the taste and remembering the feel of each other's body, just enough to last them till the next time. They had been together for almost a year now and Farr had never felt happier. He always knew he was different since he was young and wasn't sure why until he had hit puberty. He found out that he liked boys…only boys, and he learned very quickly that this sort of things are not taken very lightly should it be made known. _

_He knew it was wrong, the bible, the pastor and everyone had said it often enough. People like them were labeled to be emotionally unstable and abnormal but Farr knew that wasn't the case. They just love in a different way and sadly, people were not ready to come to terms with the fact that such a kind of love exists. _

"_I love you." He whispered into Ryuken's ear when they finally parted, needing fresh air badly instead of recycled carbon dioxide._

_Ryuken smiled and continued kissing him. Farr felt the boy shift to stand up and then the hands that were holding the back of his neck and waist were at his upper thighs, supporting him as Ryuken carried him into the woods that lay behind the river. _

"_Where are we going?" He asked the red eye boy. _

"_Someplace where I can show you how much I love you back?" _

_Farr laughed again and clung on to Ryuken's shoulder as they disappeared from view, leaving behind a trail of clothes on the riverbank. _

* * *

Kurogane felt his hair stood on the nape of his neck, arms and a gripping pain at his chest, he dropped his fork hastily to grip the table so that he won't fall forward.

"Oh god…nii-san…what's wrong?" Tomoyo anxiously asked when she saw her brother hunched over in pain all of a sudden.

Deric reached across the table and held on to his brother-in-law, his face showing the exact expressions his wife was having at the moment.

Kurogane took a deep breathe as he waited for the disorientating moment to pass…not sure what was going on.

"I'm fine…really…just get me some warm water…" he said weakly and patted Deric's hand, hinting at him to let go of his shoulders. He didn't need the unnecessary attention from the patrons in the restaurant.

"You really should listen when Tomoyo tells you to take a break. You're simply overworked." Deric said as he released the broad shoulders of the man, grimacing when he noticed how pale Kurogane is looking.

"It's nothing." Kurogane replied curtly.

"You should stop with this…it's senseless. How many years has it been? You don't know why you're there…who you are looking for…" Tomoyo commented with exasperation lacing her voice, "I think you should go back to Tokyo this year…otou-san and Kaa-san needs you more than that…that…place."

Kurogane glared at her, not sure why was he feeling so angry all of a sudden. He stood up abruptly and made to leave the table after fishing out a wad of notes from his pocket.

"I'm leaving…here's my share and enjoy the rest of your dinner…" he said as he threw a fifty beside his almost untouched dish.

Deric and Tomoyo watched him leave knowing that any attempts to make him stay would be futile.

"I don't know what's wrong with him anymore. He's getting obsessed about that place."

"You mean the church that was burned down fifty years ago? Why is he so interested in that place?"

"I don't know…he doesn't even know it himself." Tomoyo sigh speaking to herself more then to her husband, as she watched the silhouette of her brother disappear from the corner of the street.

Kurogane frowned as he massaged the area on his chest where he had felt the pain. He was greatly disturbed by what just happened. He didn't know what to make of it. There was an image of a man dropping down on the pavement by the roadside, he couldn't see where it was in the dark though, and he had no idea what that image meant or who that was.

All he could remember was that the man laying prone on the ground had a crown of golden blonde hair…

* * *

Fay thought something felt wrong the moment he started to wake. His last memory was that he had fallen on the cold hard ground somewhere on a pavement but instead of that he felt something soft cushioning him, and a very familiar voice calling out to him. There was someone slapping him softly on the face…but he just couldn't open his eyes.

"Fay…hey…can you hear me? You got to wake up…hey…"

"Deric, it's obviously not working, for god's sake just get the bottle of smelling salts." Tomoyo said impatiently.

Tomoyo knelt down by the couch and brushed the stray strands of hair away from the blonde's face. Deric had told her that this was the colleague he wanted to invite along for dinner. They had found him laying on the ground out cold and Tomoyo had thought frantically that he was mugged and stabbed. She only calmed down when Deric made sure that the man was not hurt anywhere.

They found the blonde laying on the ground when they were heading in the direction of the church after dinner. She was worried because his mobile was switched off and she was hoping to find her brother there. Now four hours later, he still wasn't home.

Deric came back a minute later, fumbling with the cap and almost spilling the contents on the carpet when he tripped in his haste to get back to the blonde.

"Careful baby…let me." she said as she took over the bottle from her husband's hand. She waved the bottle beneath the blonde's nostrils and watched him stirred into consciousness and blue eyes gently fluttered open, nose scrunching from that repulsive smell…to see one pair of brown and one pair of opal peering back anxiously.

Fay took a moment to gather his bearings and shook his head a bit to get rid of the fuzziness in his mind.

"Where am I?" he asked as he sat up slowly, then he noticed that the pair of opal eyes belonged to the ebony skinned man, "hi Deric…" he said faintly.

"What are you doing there alone?" Deric asked brusquely, earning himself a quick jab from his wife at the ribs. He looked at her with eyes wide and raised both hands up in a silent retort. She rolled her eyes instead before turning her attention back to Fay.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Fay took a moment looking back and forth at the couple before he answered.

"I'm fine and…I should go now," Fay said awkwardly as he looked around for his bag.

"No…don't worry. You're not inconveniencing us in any way. Do stay till you feel alright enough to go." Tomoyo said graciously as she noted the look in the blonde's eyes.

Women's intuition…should she feel flattered that a man holds a candle for her husband? Should she even feel threaten, she thought as she scrutinized the blonde further. He does have a beautiful face with an unworldly feel to it. Even she felt tempted enough to do something bad should that look in the blonde's eyes be focused on her instead. But as it seems, Deric wasn't too concerned…most likely he wasn't aware of how the blonde felt towards him.

Man…they are all obtuse that way, she thought silently.

Fay smile and nodded his head.

It was then the front door opened and everything froze when sapphire eyes met crimson ones.

* * *

_As Ryuken was running his hand up that smooth thigh and hip, Farr was reminiscing their first kiss in the confessional box after he had slyly tricked the red eye boy into admitting that he had fallen in love with him, and how they had made love under the plum tree behind the church after because Farr was too impatient to wait till they were in the safety of their home, and for the most part because the urge to satisfy his lust for Ryuken was much too strong. _

_He hoped that their love would went by unnoticed, to be given a chance to survive even if it does not have the opportunity to bear fruits. He rather they lived through the end of their lives with their love buried at the bottom of their hearts, unmarred then to lose it. He knows he was playing a dangerous game with Fate right now because he wasn't sure how long they could continue like this without the risk of being discovered. _

_Both of them still have to carry the burden of their parents' expectations on their backs. _

_He doesn't know how long their cover as best pals would last, already there were quite a few times when their guard had slipped, lingering gazes held for far too long and touches too intimate between friends. Some of his schoolmates were already teasing them for their closeness. _

"_What are you thinking of?" Ryuken asked as he pressed his groin firmly against the small of Farr's back, starting a slow and sensual grind of hips, feeling the delicate arch of the blonde's spine._

"_Humm…nothing…?" Farr replied, thoroughly arousal by Kurogane's movements behind him. _

"_Good…" the red eye boy said voice deep and husky as he shifted to prepare the blonde, sliding his fingers between the blonde's derriere…. _

_Some distance away, a few boys from the hockey team at school have stumbled on the boys' private alcove. They were still looking on in wide eye disgust as the pair of lovers immersed and lose themselves to their passion. _

* * *

"Ryuken…" Fay whispered not knowing where the name came from as fear washed over him once more and he stood immobile, transfixed by the pair of crimson eyes before him.

'_You're the one.'_

Tomoyo stood beside her brother

"Shit…" she murmured softly as she remembered the clippings she had passed to her brother just the other day, "fuck…I don't believe this…"

"What's going on? They are freaking me out." Deric said as he looked at the way the blonde was staring at his brother-in-law.

"Shut up…I need to show you something." Tomoyo said impatiently as she brought Deric to her brother's room and shoved the old news clippings to her husband.

Deric's eyes scanned through the papers efficiently, trained by his job. What he saw shook him to the bone.

"This is unreal. How could this be…?" he whispered as a photo of a boy wearing the face of his brother-in-law stared right back at him, "unbelievable…humm…I didn't know your brother's gay!"

"Deric…this is not the time to joke…" Tomoyo replied as the dizziness in her head started to dissipate a little. That innocent poke just made her realized her lack of knowledge about her brother's love life and just exactly how little she knew of him.

Meanwhile Fay and Kurogane was still standing in the living room staring at each other, perplexed, bewildered and very, very confused. The implications that were surfacing in their minds were too surreal.

"My name…isn't Ryuken…" Kurogane said haltingly as he removed his gloves slowly, eyes still trained on the beautiful man infront of him. He just couldn't help staring even though he knew how rude it would seem.

"I know…sorry…you just look like someone…" Fay stopped not knowing how he should continue. What was he supposed to say? How should he explain it?_ 'You look like someone I have been dreaming of for the past seven years?' _Yeah…that would be great if the man weren't freaked out first.

"I do have very common features…" Kurogane faltered, leaving his sentence unfinished. He threw the pair of gloves absent mindedly on the coffee table and gestured for the blonde to sit and sat opposite him. His heart was thumping wildly without provocation, a strange inexplicable urge to reach across the table to caress those ivory checks

He blinked hard willing that unreasonable urge away.

'_Goodness…what's going on with me?' _

There was something he can't express and that aching feeling in his heart is beginning to come undone.

* * *

_Farr growled low and guttural as he swept his hands over everything that was within reach and threw them hard against his door. He was furious to be locked up like some prisoner, in his own home nevertheless! But he knew there was nothing he could do but to wait. It was the hardest thing to do when he is unsettled and there was no peace to be found in his heart. _

_He was still the blissfully ignorant yesterday, to think that things had taken such and unexpected turn within a couple of days. He thought it would be like any other normal school day but once he stepped through the gates, he knew that they knew. Perhaps he was being foolish because for a while he believed that they would get through this. There were some other people at school whom he knew were like him too and for the most, they were left alone and tolerated as long as they kept a low profile…invisible. _

_But it was not the same for him, his clandestine relationship with the red eye boy has already endangered the social status of his family here. His parents were not taking kindly to the news, despite their love for him as an only son. Plus, they are not below sending him away to some god forgotten place to be 'cleansed of his soul and given a new life'. They were still devoted Christians to the end._

_Ryuken should be alright though. From what he understood, his parents were more tolerant as long as he did the right thing when he reached adulthood. That is to marry and birth the family an heir. _

_If only things were that simple for his people. _

* * *

"So you're telling me that my brother has been appearing in your flashbacks which you've been having for the past seven years?" Tomoyo asked with disbelief written all over her face. She really wanted to believe what the blonde had been saying but everything seemed so far fetched. She can't help thinking that as beautiful as the blonde is, he was perhaps a little…mental.

"I think he's telling the truth…we might be connected someway or another. I mean just look at these articles and then this boy who looks so much like me." Kurogane said as he looked at Fay with eyes mirroring the sincerity of his comments.

Fay managed a bashful awkward smile as he returned the look, grateful that he wasn't thought by the red eye man as some nutcase pulled off the street, not knowing what else to say since he was just as lost as they are.

"Look why don't we go through this some other another day? It's getting late and we all have to work tomorrow." Kurogane said looking at Fay the whole while as he stood up and walked to the coffee table to retrieve his gloves, "I'll send him home."

Tomoyo and Deric glanced at each other before nodding in unison.

"Alright, we're sorry to have kept you here. Do have a good night and we'll see you sometime soon." Tomoyo said with a small smile as she walked her brother and the blonde to the door. She waited for them to don their coats and stepped into the lift before she shut the door behind her, "did you see what I see?" she continued looking at Deric excitedly.

"Well, all I have to say is, I've never seen attraction worked that hard before!" Deric exclaimed shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly while clearing the tables of mugs and wine glasses at the same time.

"Do you really think they are the reincarnations of these boys?" Tomoyo asked as she gestured at the pile of papers left on the table, "look…they met when one was nineteen and the other was eighteen. My brother started going there when he was around eighteen and Fay started having these flashbacks seven years ago, which meant he was nineteen then. They were each other's first love…my brother never had a relationship. Well to my knowledge and Fay…well I'm not too sure about Fay…I don't think he has fallen in love before too." Tomoyo said with conviction.

"How would you know if Fay hasn't fallen in love before?" Deric asked shaking his head at his wife's nosy tendencies. Perceptive as she is, sometimes her deductions seemed just a little too off the edge for him.

"Call it women's intuition…did you know he fancied you too!"

Deric almost dropped the glass he was soaping up in the sink as he gave his wife an incredulous and slightly disgusted look.

"Now _that_ is hardly amusing!" he grumped.

Tomoyo laughed.

Man…what obtuse creatures they are.

* * *

_Ryuken ran as fast as he could, the footsteps behind him were close and he cursed himself for his stubbornness. He should have stayed at home and waited till everything had blown down and it would be safe to see Farr again. But he didn't and now he has a bunch of men behind him, looking for blood. He was scared. He didn't know where to go or what to do. From a short distance behind, he heard the soft click of a rifle's safety hold being pulled back…and then the men were on him, raining punches on his face and body…_

_It was the middle of the night and Farr had fallen asleep exhausted from the fits he had thrown in the day. Today, his parents made the threat of sending him to the reform camp and he went livid, spitting and hissing at his parents. His father was so angry and worried that he might escaped had gotten someone to chain up the windows of his rooms. Now he couldn't even look out of his windows, a prisoner in his own home. _

_He was woken up rudely by the shouts of unrest coming from the porch of his home, his parents were yelling at someone and there was another voice that had shouted out in pain…one that he was intimately familiar with. He banged on the door and kicked at it, screaming for his parents to let him out. His mother was the one who opened the door for him. She was hysterical and crying uncontrollably. Cold fear gripped him as he dashed down the stairs in his pajamas, his movements clumsy and weak. _

_As he approached the front door and absorbed the scene, he wished he had never woken up at all_…

* * *

"So what brought you to Chicago? I heard from Deric that you were faring well in New York." Kurogane asked.

"I was but there was always this sense of restlessness that I can't seem to get rid of…I loved New York…actually, I can't really explain why. I just felt that I had to come here."

"I see…"

"What about you?"

"Humm…I came here when I was eighteen to further my studies and I was looking for better opportunities for a career in what I was studying. Tokyo had no market for what I was interested in…so where are you heading exactly?"

"Streeterville, I live there."

"That's pretty nearby…" Kurogane smiled delighted to know that the blonde was living nearby. He frowned at himself again at that random thought. It was so easy to think of getting close to the man, "would you like to go somewhere? If you're not too tired…it's only ten-thirty now." Kurogane asked feeling very reluctant to part ways with the blonde. He didn't know what he was going to say or, where were they going but he couldn't ignore that gut feeling inside. It told him that this person has something special for him.

Fay glanced unnecessarily at his watch despite being told the time and nodded his head somewhat hesitantly. He felt compelled to be in the company of this man, wanting to know more about him and what was the exact connection he has to his flashbacks. He followed Kurogane down a long dark street that seemed to be running beside what looked like a garden in the dark and then he saw the street he had fainted on earlier. He gripped the coat sleeve of the red eye man and halted his steps.

"What's wrong?"

"I felt something there earlier…"

Kurogane's heart skipped a beat.

"What happened? Was that why you fainted?"

"Yes…remember the flashbacks I mentioned? I got some pretty bad ones when I was near there. It's difficult to explain…" Fay answered.

"Don't worry…I'll walk you past," Kurogane said as he leaned his left shoulder slightly in the same direction of the path they were still on, body poised to walk on and waited for Fay to continue, "so what was it exactly that you felt or see?" Kurogane prodded.

"Those flashbacks …?" Fay said and watched Kurogane nodded in response, "for so many years, they only come when I'm asleep. Recently, they are just popping up as and when…it happened again when I was walking through this place…I saw a few images that were quite disturbing and I think you were dead in there."

"You meant the boy whom I look liked?"

Fay nodded his head.

Kurogane wondered if he should try out the theory that was forming in his mind, impossible as it is. He thought of the flashback that hit him earlier at the restaurant and the blonde who was standing infront of him now…both blonde, and then there was that heart thumping feeling that he can't seem to identify at the moment.

"How do you feel about me?" Kurogane asked abruptly without much thought to how incongruous it would sound to the blonde.

"What?" Fay answered with his eyes widen with surprised. Sure, he wanted to get picked up by someone…but wasn't the question posed too directly?

"Come on, I will explain more when we are in there." Kurogane said with a soft smile as he led them off the path and into the compounds of the old burnt church.

Fay clutched the handle of his sling bag nervously with uncertainty showing on his face and nodded his acquiescence as he followed with hesitant steps.

And so whatever that has been set in motion fifty years ago, was starting to turn again. The wheels of Fate are spinning once more.

One could only ask if Fate could gift a more gracious hand this time.

* * *

_Ryuken grunted in pain as he felt another kick land on his back, it felt broken. Maybe it was. The pain was almost making him pass out, his joints felt slippery and numb, but he couldn't because they kept dragging him, yanking him hard by his hair everytime he falls behind. He didn't know how long they were dragging him, all he could feel was the sharp pain shooting through him causing his body to shiver violently and he could taste the metallic acridness of his blood in his mouth. Each breath he took was like a painfully drawn breath of winter air, he thought that might be caused by broken ribs. _

_He wished he could fight his way out of this but he had no chance at all. _

"_Bloody faggot!" _

_One of the men spat out contemptuously as he was thrown onto the ground, his body landing with a soft thud, the grass was covered lightly by a frosting of dew frozen by the cold. He heard the men shouting expletives, wolf whistles and callous jeering laughs. He didn't understand what they found amusing in this situation, didn't understand why they were doing this to him. They were practically strangers but he recognized the hatred well enough. There were men who dislike men like him, fear their kind from deep within simply because they did not understand how it feels to love another man. _

_His thoughts went to Farr as he was laying there contemplating the onslaught of his death, grieving on the fact that he will never be able to tell the blonde that he loves him for the last time. The thought of never again stabbed him deeply in the heart, hurting him more then the wounds suffered by his worn out body. _

"_Ryuken!" _

_He lifted his head groggily, straining to listen…_

"_Ryuken!" _

_There it was again, that familiar voice. It doesn't sound right though. He remembered the voice to be mellow and tinkling like spring bells, not ragged and panicky. Farr would never scream that way, the blonde thought it too unsightly to do so. But there it was…his name called out with such desperation and despair…so sad…he didn't want to hear Farr sounding so sad…_

"_Ryuken!" Farr screamed hysterically as he thrashed against his father, trying to escape from that iron grip. _

"_Calm down Farr! Stop it! You can't do anything for him now!" Farr's father yelled while his eyes were focused on the rifle. As much as he despised the boy who had lain with his son, he does not yearn for bloodshed of this kind. Behind him he could hear his wife crying into the phone talking to an officer and he prayed that help would get here soon enough._

"_Let go of him! You motherfuckers!" Farr screamed again voice hoarse from the strain of his raging emotions. _

_His father glared at the men surrounding the front yard and then at the boy laying in what seems to be a gathering pool of blood. There were some neighbors woken by the noise and he could see them peering out anxiously from behind their curtains, yet, he knows he won't be getting any help from them. _

"_Stop it boys, this is wrong." _

"_So is your son's whoring! He's just a shameless fuck!" one of the men shouted as he advanced towards Farr and his father rapidly. _

_Farr's father immediately released his grip and pushed Farr behind him, not knowing what these men would do to them. But no matter how much he wanted to protect himself and his son, he couldn't block the swiftly delivered hit. The short baton hit him hard on the head and he was out on the ground immediately._

_Farr could only stared in shock as he watched his father fell, but, he wasn't given any time to check on him as the burly man with dark hair and a cold glare grabbed him by the neck and shoved him towards the now, still body of Ryuken. Farr dropped to the ground in an anguished cry as he saw the amount of blood that Ryuken had lost, feeling his own blood freeze in his veins when he failed to stir the red eye boy. His violently shaking fingers trailed down the sides of a bloody swollen cheek, unbelieving at the damage he saw on his lover's body. He felt his body convulsed as sobs started to break. _

"_Hey! Pussyboy! The filthy Jap's a heartbreaker ain't he? Is his cock worth all this? Huh?!" the man with red hair jeered cruelly as he delivered a hard kick at Farr's side, causing him to buckle. Farr wheezed and gasped in pain as he clutched the side of his waist glaring furiously at the men standing over them. He refused to be cowed by these bastards. He swayed weakly from side to side as he struggled to stand up. It was obvious that he could do nothing but he will definitely resist to the last of his breathe. _

"_He sure is a stubborn one...I think harsher punishments are in order…" snarled the man who was holding the rifle. He leaned whispering to the man with hazel eyes beside him and they both nodded in agreement. On what…Farr did not think he wanted to know but he wasn't kept guessing for long as the two men bent and pulled him up roughly by his hair. He reached for Ryuken's shoulder; the thought of being away from his lover terrifies him. He needs to know how badly hurt Ryuken is. He needed the affirmation that Ryuken is still alive._

"_Hey, pretty boy, what say you give us something special before we send you on?" the man with hazelnut eyes purred beside his ear, his voice low and strained with undisguised lust and derision. Farr tensed as he grasped what they were about to do to him. He felt waves of nausea as the man pulled at his belt and his arms were locked behind, panic building up from within. The dark hair man stood in front, a cruel smirk on his lips as he waited for the show to begin._

"_No..,please…don't…I will do anything you want…please don't…not this…" he begged voice trembling hard. _

"_Shut up and don't spoil it!!" the man with hazelnut eyes whispered harshly, tightening his grip on his hair, breathing hard now as he shoved one hand beneath Farr's underwear and pulled the cotton pants Farr was wearing down to his ankles with his other. _

"_Look at this," the man said to his companions as he fondled Farr's butt cheeks, "no wonder he's got the Jap hooked…" _

_Farr clenched his jaw and struggled; he refused to be paralyzed by fear knowing that if he breaks he will be giving those men exactly what they wanted. Still he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He found himself sobbing and shaking his head weakly, whimpering no all the while as they their hands roamed over his body. The disgust was overwhelming and their rough manhandling made him felt like there were unnamable creatures crawling over his skin. _

_Ryuken forced his eyes open when he heard Farr's cries. Although he was lucid and passing in and out of consciousness from the pain, he was still able to tell that the blonde was in trouble._

"_Let him go…" he whispered feebly, "let him go…" he repeated again as he scrabbled with the slick wet grass, his fingers were having difficulties seeking purchase on, trying to push himself up. By this time, he was no longer feeling any pain. The cold had numbed most of it, leaving him with a disorientated memory of what had just happened to him. _

"_The fucker's getting up again." One of the men said frustration lacing his voice. _

"_Ryuken…" Farr whimpered his lover's name as hope soared in him. He was alive. He heaved with release…he was alive and that was all that matters right now. _

"_Just finish him off before he spoils our fun!" the man with hazelnut eyes said coldly. _

"_No…don't do it! PLEASE?" Farr begged frantically, cold sweat erupting, his words blurred by snot, tears and the horror of what he was about to witness as he watched the man with red hair cocked the rifle and aimed it at his Ryuken._

"_NO!" Farr screamed again._

_But no amount of begging will deter the men…they were already consumed by the evil within,, too carried away to hear the warnings of sense and sensibility. _

_The trigger of the gun sent a resounding echo through the neighborhood. Farr found his eyes unable to turn away from the smoking barrel and, in his mind he was desperately trying to will away everything that had happened in the past few minutes. But he can't. Ryuken was still and there was a gaping wound on his back. _

_Everything was gone…_

_In the aftermath of the shot, everything turned an eerie silence. Slowly, more lights were flickered on and people were stepping out of their homes, frightened yet filled with a morbid curiosity of what was happening in their normally peaceful neighborhood. _

_A soul shattering scream pierced through the dark night, followed by sorrowful wailing, a sound that everyone who was awake that night would hear in their future nightmares when they learned of what had transpired on this night. From the far distance the sirens of the police arriving too late to right anything was heard. The men who had just made themselves criminals raced off into the cover of darkness and the innocents who seek justice poetic in its nature will find no one to turn to, for Justice had decided to abandon her job tonight. _

_In the cold night, a slender frail figure hunched in defeat was cradling a bloody body, clinging to its lingering warmth. A mother stood behind her child, tears streaming and wringing her hands, shaken and feeling helpless amongst the chaos that had just erupted. She continued watching silently as the frail figure got up and dragged the body behind him. _

_A bloody trail in its wake…_

* * *

Fay stepped into the compound of the church apprehensively expecting a fainting spell or, some of those frightening flashbacks to hit him. But none came, instead a calming presence washed over him with every step into the old burnt church. He frowned perplexed and looked at the red eye man beside him, wondering if it made a difference because this guy was beside him now.

"Is this place familiar to you in anyway?" Kurogane asked as he swept the empty space with his right hand, walking further into the church. The movement of his feet caused the dust to float and swirled, leaving behind a hardly visible track on the ashen floor as he approached the alter stand. He reached into his pocket and placed a cigarette between his lips and lighted up. The sudden spark of light provided temporary illumination for Fay's perusal of the place. Fay looked around the decrepit interior but nothing familiar caught his attention. He shook his head and noticed the disappointment shown on Kurogane's face.

"Sorry...nothing yet…"

"It's ok…it's just that I thought…does nothing connects with your flashbacks?" Kurogane tried again as he waved his hand with the cigarette a little for emphasis. He could not explain his theory if the blonde had nothing for him.

Fay stilled for a moment trying to recall his dreams.

"Still nothing?" Kurogane asked prodding impatiently.

Fay frown again.

"Feel…? No…" he answered haltingly.

"I do." Kurogane answered simply.

"What do you feel?"

"I stopped feeling the emptiness this place has brought me the moment I saw you." Kurogane said stating it as a matter of fact. He also wanted to add that in its place was a tiny fluttering of hope, an ache formed not from sadness and lost but of a bittersweet fondness that pulls and tugs at the center of his being…filling him with contentment and warmth but he didn't think that the blonde might be too receptive to it as they were still barely strangers to each other despite the strange circumstances that had brought them together.

Fay blushed at the words wondering how on earth someone could be so direct.

Kurogane only looked on, mesmerized as he saw the bashful expression on the blonde's face. He was still thinking on how surreal everything was and how gorgeous the blonde is.

"Well…I do feel a certain amount of attraction to you too…" Fay said and wondered briefly if he should tell him how he originally felt about the man.

"Ah huh…" Kurogane answered intelligently, blushing too at this point.

Fay smiled as he saw the faint flush on tanned skin.

"Goodness! I feel like…This is so ridiculous but kind of right?" Fay chuckled in disbelief and amusement as he tried to diffuse the awkward tension building up between them.

Kurogane shrugged and laughed a little with him too, easing the tension in his head for a while.

"I think it will be great if we could get to know each other anew. This is all too strange for me." Kurogane said with a huge grin as he slipped off his glove and extended a hand to the blonde.

Fay smiled and reached forward to grasp it, liking the idea of it.

It was then the memories of the past collided as both men felt their breath being pushed out of their lungs, sinking to their knees, feeling weak and bewildered at what was happening, their hands still gripping the other's tightly.

As a deep silence enveloped around them, the rest of the world fall away. All the two men could hear as they knelt huddling on the ground was the roar of blood in their ears and the whispering touch of a breeze from yesteryear, one which carried all of their harried past. The demolished pieces of memories held dearly by their souls came together piece by piece, part by part, minute by minute until their dying breathes when they were still known as Ryuken and Farr.

"I saw it," Kurogane whispered, his head bowed as he was overwhelmed by the strength of the emotions flooding his being, "I felt it…you…you got me in here." He continued as he looked around the church with renewed eyes.

He saw them meeting in the dark confines of the pew, alone after the congregation was done and everyone had left. He remembered the stolen kisses in corners of buildings and at his porch in the cover of darkness…he remembered the first time he had breached the blonde and the quiet but happy days they spent by the river.

He also saw how his life ended as Ryuken and he could feel the heart wrenching pain of it all as he watched the blonde cradling his head in his lap, rocking them both like a child, in the middle of the church where they were standing in right now. He could see when the blonde finally laid him down and went off, only to come back with a metal tin of kerosene and a box of matchsticks.

Kurogane opened his eyes, tears welling and threatening to fall. He blinked them back and gazed straight into clear, misty azure ones. The secrets that he wanted to know were all answered by the images as they flashed one by one through his mind. However different the scenes, the people and the emotions, they told the same tragic tale.

The forbidden love he had with the blonde.

He looked down at their hands, still tingling with that electrifying resonance of their skin. It still held the imprint of the invisible tattoos they left on each other; it still remembered the heat of each other.

The touch of the stranger that he was looking for…apparently; the blonde felt the same, if he had not misread that expression on his face.

"I was crying…murmuring for you to come back…to fulfill those promises…that you would love me for the rest of time." Fay continued in awe at the love he felt from the boy that was supposed to be him. He had seen most of the memories but he had never felt as acutely as he did at this moment what each scenario meant. He wondered too as to why he never had a flashback of this ending before.

"...I loved you…once." Kurogane muttered still very confused, the memories of the distance past catching up with him in the last few minutes had left him feeling a little bereft and a little disconcerted, "I couldn't…I didn't survive that shot."

"I went crazy because I couldn't wake you up anymore…I set fire to this place…oh my god" Fay whispered aghast by the lingering echoes of that particular memory, "…I burned ourselves alive…"

"Ahmm, technically that '_me' _was dead by then." Kurogane said "this is beyond believable."

Fay looked at Kurogane, his gaze softening.

"Was I waiting for you then…all these years?' Fay asked remembering wistfully at how each of his previous relationships had ended because he could never bridge that emptiness he felt, and no matter how he forced it, he couldn't build a connection with those men he had been with.

And always, there was this unexplainable guilt of infidelity eating at him.

At least now he knows why.

"I don't really know but I would like to think so…" Kurogane replied with a smile. The unreality of everything was settling down. Slowly the dawning realization of what this man had meant to him…will mean to him, he found was nothing short of a miracle.

Love had got to them in the most unconventional and unexpected way, joining souls lost so long ago to continue in their search for fulfillment.

Kurogane smiled as he thought to himself, wondering if love will ever choose the ordinary path to manifest itself instead of making them wait for so long.

Unlikely it seems…at least in the end it was worth the wait.


End file.
